What Digging Into 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Taught Me About Love
What does the Bible say about love?
One of my favorite days of the year is Valentine's Day with its romance, bright colors, and an excuse to shower my love with indulgences. One whole day to show the ones you love how much they mean to you! It's so exciting and fun!
February 14th is a double blessing in our house since it is Valentine's Day and our Anniversary!
You can't watch TV, open a magazine, or catch up on the internet from New Years Day forward without hearing about love, romance, and how to show love. Those things are what love is all about, right?
Well, that depends on who you want to believe; the world's version of love or God's version.
When I was younger, I believed what everyone said about love. Romance books were my all-time favorite past time.
After becoming part of God’s family, I was shocked to realize that God doesn’t see love and romance the way the world does. Honestly, I’m not sure why that took me by surprise. At first, I was crushed. It seemed to me that the world’s version of love was exciting and intense while God’s version of love seemed dull and depressing. But that couldn’t be right, could it??
Determined to figure out the truth, I started with what is probably one of the most well-known passages about love (1 Corinthians 13). But I didn’t just want to focus on just loving our spouse (as vital as that is). I wanted to see how I could love others too.
But before we go there, let’s take a closer look at the differences.
THE WORLD SAYS…
The world says love and romance are the same. We are told we will have hot and bothered lustful feelings and must do whatever to keep the flame alive. It's gooey, Hallmark movies and cards, sometimes instant, but never lasting. It's starry nights, carriage rides, and red roses. It is showering your loved one with extravagant, unexpected gifts.
The generally accepted feeling is that we can't help who we fall in love with and falling in and out of love is natural and to be expected.
BUT GOD SAYS…
The Bible tells us God is love. The two can't be separated because love is his very nature. Love is also a decision that leads to intentional action. Wow! That is nothing like what the world tells us!
"My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth."
(1 John 3:18 KJV)
WHAT IS BIBLICAL LOVE?
There is nothing wrong with romance, blessing your mate, or having sexual desire for your spouse. But we can't rely on those as our markers for love and fulfillment. Loving God's way is a conscious decision we make even if we don't feel loving or the other person has failed to do something to deserve our love. Our feelings constantly change based on our circumstances so they can’t be trusted. We are capable of talking ourselves into love and just as easily talk ourselves out of love.
"The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked: who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9 KJV)
If you accept that God is love and that we are to walk in the same manner as Jesus (1 John 2:6) then we need to do our best to apply the characteristics of love in how we treat not just our spouse but everyone around us. So let's take a deeper look at what the Bible says about the characteristics of love.
1 CORINTHIANS 13:7-8
LOVE IS PATIENT AND KIND
Patience means to be long-suffering. It means the ability to accept delay without complaining or becoming angry.
Being kind is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.
Are you being considerate, generous, and slow to anger with those around you? When you feel the other person doesn't deserve it, it is flat-out hard to put them ahead of yourself. But the other person's behavior shouldn't dictate your efforts.
You are responsible for your behavior and they are responsible for theirs. It's easy to love those that are lovable. We need God's strength to love the unlovable.
Not feeling very loving, kind, or patient? Turn to God. Pray and ask for his help. God sees your struggles. He knows you are trying to hold your temper and bless the other person. He will bless your efforts. It might not be the way you would choose to bless yourself but you have to trust that God knows far more than we do and He will never lead us astray.
"If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink. For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the Lord shall reward thee." (Proverbs 25:21-22 KJV)
What could you do today to be a little kinder and a bit more patient with at least one person? It could be something as simple as a smile and wish them a nice day.
What is one thing you can do today to show your spouse that you love them? It could be as simple as putting down your phone and making eye contact when they are talking to you.
LOVE IS NOT JEALOUS, BOASTFUL, PROUD, OR RUDE
In the King James Version, it says “love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up”. Wow! How many of us know someone who parades their puffed-up pride around? I sure do like the way the KJV says that, don’t you?
JEALOUS ENVY
Jealousy is a sneaky evil. When we are feeling like everyone else is getting blessed and we are still waiting for our blessing it's hard not to feel envious of others.
It’s so vital that you recognize those thoughts are not from God. When your thoughts aren’t from Him, you need to take them captive and force yourself to stop thinking this way. I say force because it won’t happen without intentional effort.
When you get jealous, remind yourself that you don't know what battles the other person has been through to receive the blessings they have. You might see their physical battles but you know little of their emotional or spiritual battles. Besides, you’d be surprised to realize that people look at you and are just as jealous of your blessings!
BOASTFUL, PUFFED UP PRIDE
The other person might be boastful and proud of their blessings. They might love to hear the sound of their own voice. They might even be obnoxious. Let them carry on. Even if you are understandably fed up to your eyebrows with their boasting and fight not to give yourself whiplash rolling your eyes, be patient and kind!
It might be hard to accept, but yes, that person is wrong to be so self-centered. But because of your attitude, so are you! Take that ungracious attitude to God because you are not showing love.
No matter how annoying the other person is we are to rejoice with them. We can trust God for our blessings that will come in His timing. The devil loves to take one person's sin and use it to take someone else down too. Don't make it easy for him. Resist the devil by praying for someone else and the devil will flee.
"Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep."
(Romans 12:15 KJV)
As Christians, we aren't to do things for self-promotion or self-gain. Did you spend weeks searching Pinterest for a super spectacular treat idea to send for your child's class party so your child would be thrilled and it fulfilled your creative side or so everyone would be envious noticing what you sent and what a great momma you obviously are?
It's easy to fall into the trap of trying to manipulate people or situations. When that doesn't work in our favor we get angry, resentful, feel unappreciated, and downright rude. When all along it was our heart that was wrong.
"Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? Let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom."
(James 3:13 KJV)
RUDE
You are to put the other person ahead of yourself without an attitude. Yes, any of the above scenarios would make me feel justified in cutting the person down and walking away. But we can’t; it's a heart thing.
It takes work to change our perspective about someone and praying for them is the only way that works. Everything else is a temporary fix.
Do you arrogantly hold others captive boasting about your accomplishments or showing off your latest possession? What is your attitude when someone does that to you? Take a moment and pray for someone who comes to mind that does this in your life…even if it is you.
LOVE DOES NOT ACT DISGRACEFULLY OR DEMAND ITS OWN WAY
We all know someone who is always convinced they are right and everyone else is always wrong. No matter what you say this person won't listen and just stays focused on proving they are right. This is selfishness and arrogance.
This type of person loves to correct everyone around them and will push until they get their way. In fact, they put themselves on a pedestal above everyone else. They do not bend or give place to anyone else's wishes; it's their way or the highway as they bully everyone around them.
If someone in your life is like this, let it go. God never blesses such self-centeredness. It might not be in the way you would like to see but God will deal with this person. If you find it is getting to you and you have to limit your contact with them, then so be it. Just don't forget to pray for them and your relationship with them.
Hopefully, you are not that demanding, arrogant person. If you are, go to God in prayer and ask him to help you be more kind and loving.
I have a dear friend who is always complaining that nobody will help her around the house and she has to throw a screaming fit to even get a minor response from her family. She complains that she works full-time, takes care of the kids, runs everyone around, and does the bulk of chores around the house.
Finally one day it was brought to her attention that she won't let her family help her because she demands everything be done her way when she feels it needs to be done, and to her standards. If not, she gets snarky and lets everyone know momma ain’t happy.
My dear friend is regularly stressing herself out to the point of tears and just wants to run away from everything. She is angry, resentful, and on Facebook venting.
Her real issue isn't with her family and their lack of love for her. Her issue is her heart and intense desire for control.
LOVE IS NOT IRRITABLE AND KEEPS NO RECORD OF WHEN IT HAS BEEN WRONGED
As in the example with my friend above, she kept detailed mental records of what her family did to disrespect her and make her life miserable. She thought she was looking out for herself but what she was actually doing was feeding the anxiety and frustration.
Letting things go is hard for most of us. It's not easy to be long-suffering with someone who pushed your buttons and gets on your last nerve. At times we all have a short fuse. that isn’t what I am talking about. I mean keeping the turmoil alive in your life by rehashing something over and over in your minds. That gives place to the devil. Being irritable and keeping track of who wins seem to feed off of each other.
Too many husbands and wives keep mental tallies about their spouse's actions. "He bought this so I deserve that!" When we keep track of offenses (real or imagined) our mind holds us prisoner. We are focusing so much on what’s going on in our heads that we can't hear the Holy Spirit's direction. Soon we lose focus because we have developed tunnel vision.
Have you ever been around someone who was so negative and unhappy that they were irritable with everyone around them? A perfectly innocent comment could send them into a rant. Are you that person? In the last half hour, what path did your thoughts go down? Are you rehashing something you should have just let go of?
LOVE IS NEVER GLAD ABOUT INJUSTICE BUT REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH
Injustice means unfair treatment of another.
Rejoice means to feel or show great joy or delight.
Truth means to be in line with reality as revealed by God. We've all heard that truth will set us free. Just remember this applies to God's truth, not the world's version of the truth.
There is so much turmoil and confusion in the world right now. People are picking sides and rejoicing when the opposition scores a point.
As Christians, we need to be careful to never be happy with someone else's misfortune. That coworker you can't stand that is always taking credit for everyone else's work? She just found out this morning that she was laid off. Don't rejoice to be rid of her. She may have been deceitful and manipulative but God still loves her just as much as He loves you.
As my husband says, we draw the line of sin behind ourselves. We can justify anything we do but freely bring the hammer down on someone else's sin. We might feel justified and self-righteous over the other person “getting what we feel they deserve” but God deals with each of us as He sees fit. He sees all sin as equally wrong. Rejoicing over someone's misfortune is never of God.
LOVE KEEPS EVERY CONFIDENCE, BELIEVES, HOPES, AND ENDURES ALL THINGS
Faith is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen.
Faith is the operation of our hope.
Hope is the seed of faith.
Endurance means to continue forward regardless of what our eyes see, to not move left or right but to stay on the path we've been given.
Sometimes God tells us to hang onto a promise, a word, or even a vision and to trust him. Yet, how many times have we been given advice by well-meaning friends or family to give up on our dream, our loved one, our marriage, our fight for a better life? They mean well even if they won't accept that you are standing on a promise from God.
But according to this, we are to never give up or lose faith. We were never promised an easy life but we have been promised that if we hold fast and keep our focus on God, he will bring us through. He will turn what the devil has meant for harm and use it someway, somehow to bless us. God believes the best about us and he never gives up on us. We can try to do the same for each other. It's the least we can do.
What situation are you finding yourself in that God has been telling you to hang in there and hold fast? After discovering God’s version of love, I realize how shallow and self-serving the world’s version of love is. A perfect example is the fact that the world gives me one day a year to celebrate those I love and make them feel special. God has given me 365 days a year to celebrate those I love and make them feel special. I don’t see anything dull and boring about that!!
LOVE NEVER FAILS
That is probably my favorite sentence ever. Love never fails. So that means God, who is love, never fails! When I am in doubt about how to handle a person or situation, I often fall back on this promise…love never fails. If I allow love to be my motive in all that I do, I can’t go wrong.
Love is patient and is kind.
Love doesn't envy.
Love doesn't brag, is not proud, doesn't behave itself inappropriately, doesn't seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil.
Love doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
