Speaking Into The Life Of A Sister Suffering With Chronic Illness
We’ve all heard it before; our words hold the power of life or death. As Christians mature, we do our best to train ourselves to speak life-affirming words of hope and love to each other and about each other. Our heart’s desire is to encourage and give others hope. But it can be particularly challenging when someone is suffering from a chronic illness and they don’t seem to get better like we think they should.
As happens with most things, this was not an area of concern on my radar until I was on the receiving end.
I have always been convinced that deep down we all want to have a positive impact on the lives of others so I thought I would share with you a few of the lessons I have learned (the hard way) about this subject.
THE TONGUE IS A MIGHTY WEAPON OF WARFARE
Have you noticed when someone at church comes forward with an illness we are quick to gather around to pray? The next few times we see this person we are just as quick to speak encouraging words and maybe even pray with them again. But if their illness is ongoing, we become uncomfortable. We might find ourselves avoiding them, secretly hoping that if they want prayer again they will seek out anyone but us.
I don't believe we shy away from them out of meanness. Sometimes we don't understand why they haven't been healed and we just don't know what else to say. Sometimes it exposes our doubts and insecurities.
WORDS CANNOT BE TAKEN BACK
We all say things we wish we could take back. For many of us, we have great intentions but our words get tangled up between our brain and our mouth. All too often, when we feel others aren't "getting it" and accepting their healing we so generously spoke over them, we become impatient and frustrated.
Unfortunately, when we reach that point, we tend to speak without thinking and our words might become a little more hurtful than helpful. It is so easy to let words slip out when most of us don't stop to weigh our words first.
I know it is hard to watch and stand in the gap for them but imagine how much harder it is for them to live with chronic illness. Once spoken, words can never be taken back so we need to slow down and ask the Holy Spirit for help with our speech and our lack of mercy. If we don’t, we run into the danger of our hearts becoming hardened as we become indifferent to this person’s struggle.
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."
(Proverbs 18:21)
LIFE-GIVING WORDS THOSE WITH CHRONIC ILLNESS NEED TO HEAR
LOVE, ENCOURAGEMENT, AND MERCY
When someone is down and discouraged they need help. That point in time is the absolute wrong time to walk away from them. Going through a chronic illness wears on a person's finances, body, spirit, and emotions. You might not realize it but a hug, a kind word, or even knowing someone is standing with you in prayer are all ways God uses his children to bless each other.
For Additional Reading: Why we need good Chrisitan friends
REMINDERS THAT CHRIST ALONE IS HER ANSWER
We are to be a blessing to each other but we are NOT to try to be their answer. We must always point them to Christ Jesus because only Jesus is all things to all people. What those with a chronic illness need is for you to tell them God's truths straight from the Bible without adding worldly, feel-good buzzwords.
The world's answers are temporary and ultimately empty. Even the best physicians around use educated guesses to heal. In my own life alone it would take two hands to count the number of times my family has been to the hospital with an issue that the medical staff could not definitively diagnose. It is more common than you might think. The medical staff does their best but they are only human.
God's truth will heal down deep in the physical and spiritual. He never has to guess what is wrong with us. He knows exactly how to bind up and mend what is broken in each of us. Because Jesus is The Word, when ministering to someone with a chronic illness, allow Jesus to use your words to begin the healing process.
The power of our words combined with the power of God's truth is what every soul longs to hear. It gives hope to the hearer as well as the one who stepped out in faith and spoke God's word.
HELP TO ADJUST HER PERSPECTIVE
Without realizing it, someone who is perpetually sick might have fallen back on believing Satan's lies. Help them see that God is still blessing them in the midst of their suffering. Help them see and give thanks for the big and little blessings. What they once took for granted and thought was no biggie might now be a big deal that they can’t quite wrap their head around.
Most of us are so goal-oriented that we ignore little blessings because we are laser-focused on something bigger, better, and more impressive. Sometimes it takes being forced to slow down to recognize this. What a shame! God often uses little blessings to flow into greater blessings. Being ill can be a blessing if we just adjust our perspective. What a wonderful opportunity to draw closer to your Savior!
For Additional Reading: Lies we believe that prevent us from seeing God’s best
YOUR LACK OF HARSH JUDGEMENT
Some days, a sister with chronic illness might have great intentions to take on the world but her body (or mind) might have other ideas. If she is having a flare, her house may not have been cleaned for a while. Or her cupboards might be bare because she just hasn’t had the energy to get groceries.
Instead of chastising her for the overpopulation of dust bunnies bouncing around the floor, consider rolling up your sleeves and giving her a hand. Be kind and giving, not condemning. Seriously, she feels enough guilt and frustration without you adding to the pile. Let her know that you care about her, not the inch-thick layer of dust or science experiments growing in her fridge.
Find a way to be a blessing to her but don’t just show up and take over. That in itself can be overwhelming and feel belittling.
If she is up to it, talk to her. Ask her what she needs. Send her cards or messages with encouraging Bible verses. Let her know you are thinking of her. Remind her it’s okay to take things slow and easy when needed. But if she would rather, help her figure out how to break down her daily tasks into small manageable steps so she isn’t so overwhelmed.
If she needs to vent, let her vent. But don’t let her stay in that mindset. Once she has it out of her system, help her focus on all the ways God has blessed her.
FINAL THOUGHTS
We must make a practice of speaking life over others and stand with them in prayer regardless of what our eyes see or how long they need us.
As you think about that person in your life who has a chronic illness, take a moment and pray not just for them but about your responses to this person. Is it godly, helpful, and true? Are you speaking life and love over them?
We may not always understand what the other person is going through or even what to say to someone suffering from a chronic illness. But we still need to demonstrate God’s loving compassion and gentle words. Because no matter how you look at it, speaking words of love, being an encouragement, and standing in the gap for someone who has been going through a chronic illness is not the same as with someone who has a cold or a toothache.
YOUR TURN
Is there someone in your life that God is directing you to adjust your speech and attitude toward? Are you that person that has been crying out to God for someone to come along who understands and encourages? What can you do today to make one small change for the better?
