From Fear to Peace: My Journey Into The Book of Revelation
The book of Revelation brings together all 65 biblical books as it tells us how this part of the story ends. It fully reveals what happens when God's plan for mankind is fulfilled and time has run out.
Reactions to the book of Revelation vary. For some, knowing that God's patience eventually runs out is terrifying. I've heard others almost giddy with anticipation that sinners will finally get what's coming to them. Still others are tired of the mess we've made on this earth and long for the day they will see Jesus face-to-face.
Do you see the book of Revelation as a big, bad book of the Bible or as a book of hope and encouragement to stay the course?
Confession Time
Until this past year, I had read bits and pieces but never the entire book of Revelation. I've tried multiple times with multiple teachers and multiple study methods, but I never lasted long with any of it. I'm not even sure I made it through an entire chapter.
Why?
Fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of confusing all the fancy church terms and the timeline resulting in my getting "caught" in God's holy judgment. Fear that I would have to choose between watching my grandchild starve or taking the mark of the beast even if I didn't mean it in my heart. Fear of the isolation and loneliness due to not being able to trust anyone (not even loved ones) for fear of being turned in to the authorities for a piece of bread or a drink of water.
To be completely honest, when I say fear overwhelmed me, I really mean terror. Terror so powerfully consuming that I would not stay in the same room if someone was talking about the end of times. I'm sure you can imagine how I hid that part of my Christian life from everyone.
But I knew that God knew.
A New Avenue Opens A New Perspective
For years I had the desire to overcome this fear, but I could not make it happen on my own. I know because I tried everything in my power. Life moved on, and I continued to avoid any study or talk of Revelation/the end of times.
God led us to our current church home. I was thrilled to see their online video library and couldn't wait to dive in. It just so happened that I was done with my last study series and needed to pick a new one. As I prayerfully reviewed my options, I kept coming back to my church's series on Revelation. Just as quickly, I would push any thought of it away. During this time, my prayers went something like this: "But God, there are 52 videos in this study series. 52! And they are long videos! I can't take that long in one book! There is so much else in the Bible I want to learn about. I should start with Genesis and work my way through. That makes the most sense, right?"
I was even so bold as to remind God that his Word says we aren't to worry about tomorrow (Matthew 6:34), so the study of the end of times probably wasn't even his will for us. Yeah, I went there. Fear made me that desperate. God wasn't buying what I was trying to sell. He knows what we need even when we choose to overlook what we see in the mirror.
Moving From Fear To Peace Is A Process
Starting at this new church was the catalyst God used to draw me toward the book of Revelation. If it had been left up to me, I would have continued to hide and find excuses. But I felt this pull that I knew was God. When that happens, you don't want to deny Him. At least I didn't want to.
I decided that if love is a decision (and it is), then my choosing to get over this irrational fear had to be a decision too. That very day, in secret, I began studying the book of Revelation by telling myself that if the fear overcame me and I couldn't get past it, nobody but God and I would know.
As of today, I am on the 43rd video in the 52-video series. I am not rushing through it. If I am overly scared or confused about something, I pause to pray, re-listen, and re-read as many times as it takes until I understand. If I still don't, I make note of my question or concern so that I can ask for clarification. As usual, I am keeping a study notebook of all that I am learning. Weekly I take the time to narrow down the pages of relevant notes and transfer them into my Bible. This practice helps when I come back to a passage with questions later.
For the first time ever, I find myself looking forward to what God reveals through the pages of Revelation. But, I don't want to make this process sound like something it wasn't.
For the longest time I wasn't excited to begin, and I wasn't curious about future events. I was still scared. I didn't start because the fear magically drifted away. I wasn't comfortable, nor did I have peace about what lay ahead. My doing this study through the book of Revelation was an act of obedience, plain and simple. Every day I made myself sit down and continue studying. Every day I had to look into the face of the misunderstanding that I had accepted over the years. Every day I had to decide to trust God instead of trusting what I had always believed.
And yet, the blessings I have received through this study have been awe-inspiring. I don't know how else to put it. The Holy Spirit has been opening my eyes so that I might see with clarity. Now, instead of focusing on my irrational fears, I see the hope, reassurance, and joy found in Revelation. Of those gifts, God's peace has been a balm to my soul. It truly does exceed my understanding (Philippians 4:7).
Why I Am Sharing This Part Of My Story
I am sharing this part of my story for a few reasons. One being that I have learned I am not alone in irrational fear of the end of times. Satan likes to make us think we are alone but the truth is we aren’t.
I also want to say that gaining victory over this fear (or any fear) is a process that we cannot walk alone. To become overcomers, we must set aside our pride and take steps towards Jesus' outstretched hand. With Him, anything is possible. On our own, we will fall to Satan's whims and our emotions.
You need to know that if you deal with this type of fear and overcome it, it is normal for the fear to come back and try to overtake you again. It certainly does me and probably always will. When Satan finds an area of our life that we are vulnerable in, he will bring it back to tempt us, trying to pull us back into the mental dry place God rescued us from (Matthew 12:44 and Luke 11:25). Each time he does, we have a decision to make.
When I Was A Child I Thought As A Child. I’m Not That Child Anymore
Being raised in a certain denomination, I believed them when they said that none of us can possibly know for certain that we will be allowed into heaven because we all sin and none of us are good enough to stand in God's holy presence. If you are not allowed in Heaven, you will be thrown into the lake of fire. That is where my fear took root.
But you know what?
It was time to grow up in my discernment and understanding. There are good teachers and not so good in every denomination. There are people out there who intentionally mislead for their own gain; always have been, always will be. There are so many lies wrapped loosely in truth, and we never learn to look deeper to discover what is beneath the veneer. There are things we have all been taught that aren't of God. And sometimes those very things give birth to fear that takes on a life of its own. Before you know it, fear's best friends (shame and condemnation) move in until we only see what we fear instead of seeing God's truth.
We need our brothers and sisters in Christ to acknowledge that this is happening and who are willing to speak biblical truth to us in love. But even more important than that, we must force ourselves to get into Scripture and see what God really says. God speaks to us through his very words. It is only when we have an encounter with Christ Jesus (and yes, that definitely happens through the pages of Scripture) that we can begin to see the lies for what they are. It is through the pages of the Bible that we learn who God is and who He is not.
It didn't have to take me years to overcome this fear. That is on me for clinging to what I had been taught because it was familiar. At any time I could have put on my armor, opened the book of Revelation, and begun my own study for truth. But I didn't because I let the fear become bigger than my desire to accept God's gift of Revelation knowledge and wisdom.
As I said, we have to get to know the character of God. It wasn't God's desire to keep me in the dark, cowering in fear. That is never His will for us. He wasn't using the end of times to manipulate and control; that was how my denomination abused Scripture. God wasn't anywhere in that.
God has given us the Bible as a gift because He wants us to understand and be prepared. He wants us to get to know Him better and better so that when these errors are fed to us as truth, we can recognize them and spit them out instead of internalizing them.
My Prayer For You
My prayer is that every sister out there who is secretly hiding this same fear will feel the power of God to step forward and grab ahold of the special blessing God has set aside for all who study and obey the book of Revelation. My irrational fear was the end of times; yours could be something else. It doesn't matter to God what our fear is about. He wants us to learn to trust Him more than we trust the lies.
Finally, I hope to encourage you not just to work to overcome your fear but to share how Jesus helps you through it. That is where our victory rests. I am so blessed to no longer feel intimidated and cowed by misunderstandings and wrong teachings. I pray that you also find victory through the blood of the Lamb and the word of your testimony!
*If you would like to look into my pastor's insightful and powerful teaching on Revelation, or any other book of the Bible, please check out the church's YouTube link for Lima First Missionary Church with Pastor Timothy White. https://www.youtube.com/@LimaFirstMissionaryChurch/featured
